Could I have found a lonelier place...?

Well, something occured to me today and, in addition to several Philosophy classes and a conversation I had recently with two of my friends, I started wondering, as I am sure many have before, what the purpose of our lives here is. I used to be catholic, but I came to the conclusion that most religions are purely bussines, and it is pretty silly to entrust my faith to humans, because God is perfect, and we are not, and since all religions are ruled by humans, all religions are imperfect and therefore, unworthy of most of what they have. I do believe in a God, or some sort of superior entity that created and controls the precise movements of the universe because, I find it rather hard to believe that all of this sprung out of nowhere. However, sometimes I cannot help but feel that He was simply bored and decided to conduct some sort of twisted and cruel ant box experiment with us, throwing some disasters here and there to keep things interesting. If He is so perfect, why would he have the need to create us? And if, as some people say, he created us "to spread his infinite love", then why the hell is the world so fucked up?

Sometimes I don't even know if it's worth living this life, just to know what happens at the end...feels like sitting through a lame movie just to watch the ending, which almost always, is usually as lame.
Just a thought.

I really like solitude, and I tend to seek it, even unconciously, but on very few ocasions, I do miss being with my friends. I really miss one in particular, but I am almost certain he does not miss me. Doesn't even notice how much pain he puts me through...?

Random thoughts.

I just cannot stop staring at him in class. Regardless how much effort I put into it, he just draws my eyes like a moth to a flame. A very special classmate, whom I am convinced, is my soulmate. Everything he does, every gesture, every smile, every blink, every word he says, his demeanor, everything about him, from his early gray hairs to his thin legs and clumsy feet, is so irresistibly adorable that it feels as if something was squeezing my heart until tears spring out of my eyes. He is the most quiet, sleepy, polite, humble, gentle person I have ever met in my life, and I know he would like me, if only he could see me. But I can't let him. I can't let anybody in. Not like that.

I will probably do a "Song of the Day" feature next week, with video, lyrics and a comment on why do I like it and what I think the song is about.

Feel free to comment on it as well, I'd love to hear different opinions.

Ferfaren,

Xoxo