Neglected

Both me and the blog. I'm sorry. I just haven't been feeling good lately.

I think it is actually true that no one, not a single person I have ever spoken to, would consider me indispensable in their lives.

Would they notice if I were gone?

They don't even notice when I am gone now.

They might miss me for a month or two, and then forget me as easily as the moss would start to creep over my unkept tombstone.

Would they visit me?

They don't even feel the need to be with me now.

People come and go. Friends, family, aquaintances, none of them will ever stay. But I cannot move. I don't want to change.

Everybody is leaving me behind, I don't mean to drag them down...

But I am petrified.

And as hard as I have tried to isolate myself, to cut out any emotional links I may have in order to minimize damage, if I am in the same room with him, I simply cannot stop looking at him.
And it hurts so bad. It feels as though a pin was stuck through my heart everytime he gives me that painfully sweet smile. I want him to sing me to sleep and then never to wake up again. I don't eat, I barely drink anything other than coffee, I chain smoke, I have not slept more than two hours a night for the past two weeks, I jump with every little noise, I am cold all the time, my hands shake when I need to verbally communicate with someone...

I'm falling to pieces and there's no one here to catch them.

XoXo.